Dolmere Returns From Cross Country Stump Speeches
Hello again, faithless readers. We've received countless letters of concern wondering where your favorite canditate, Dolmere Talamasca, has been of late. We're glad to report that the rumors of his demise at the hands of Codebastard Redgrave were, in fact, mostly false. We're also glad to report that Dolmere has recently returned from a few weeks of heavy stumping throughout the US. His entourage of one made stops in Philadelphia, PA; Detroit, MI and of course San Francisco, CA and points north.
The masses gathered at each and every speaking engagement were pleased to hear the one truth in politics spoken aloud from the dais: "Your opinion does not matter."
Some excerpts from the speeches, which ran an average of two hours each, include:
"The two aims of Talamasca Über Alles, Inc. are to conquer the whole surface of the grid and to extinguish once and for all the possibility of independent thought."
"All that is required of you is a primitive patriotism which I can appeal to whenever it is necessary to make you accept longer working-hours, longer down times or smaller rations."
"In a way, the world-view of Talamasca Über Alles, Inc. will impose itself most successfully on avatars incapable of understanding it. They can be made to accept the most flagrant violations of reality, because they never fully grasp the enormity of what is demanded of them, and are not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what is happening."
"Dolmere Talamasca will own everything on the grid, and all other avatars will be as a slave. He'll own all the land, all the houses, all the factories, and all the money. If anyone disobeys him they will be throw them into virtual Gitmo, lose theirs jobs and possibly be starved to death. When any ordinary person speaks to Dolmere he will have to cringe and bow and take off his prim hair and address him as 'Sir'."
You might think that the crowds would have thinned, that the smart democratic minded populace would reject this speech, but you would have been wrong. Mr. Talamsca's addresses were so heavily attended that police in riot gear, firefighters and other emergency personnel were called in for all but one engagement (Kalamazoo, MI; where 100% of their population was present but still still did not fill the local H.S. football field).
"Someone finally cut through the rhetoric and said out loud what other politicians only say under their breath." one furry, cornered in the crowd, was overheard saying.
Preferring to remain nameless, a Gorean interviewed by the Detroit Star Telegram was quoted as saying "I've not heard honesty like this since Tarl confronted Marlenus of Ar!" We're still checking into the quote for you and will report on its meaning as soon as we discover it.
Large gatherings of SL businesspeople previously under the false impression that they could "own" land in SL and that their work was their own IP to maintain control over appeared at several legs of this trip. The picket signs were floating, blinking, spinning and about 16x16m in size. Luckily Dolmere's soundman, iHurt Daily, was able to amplify the speech well enough to be heard on the far side of the parking lots. The majority of the misguided protesters saw the error of their ways once they heard the man himself speak. Most protesters deleted their signs and quickly joined the happy crowds to revel in the good cheer of a brighter tomorrow.
When asked about the enormous crowd sizes showing up to support Dolmere's run for Governor the competition's responses were wide ranging. "I think he usedt camping chairts!" said Vint Falken. "He doesn't know shit, why would they listen to him when Erbo's got the SLections wrapped up by the balls?" said Danielle Ferguson in her role as Erbo Evans' campaign manager. Mygdala's response was more cryptic when she shouted "I'll shoot him between the eyes, then let's see if they go out to hear him whine."
The other candidates were unavailable for comment at press time. They are likely to leave comments below for you to laugh at.
Note: The identity of the individual or individuals who plastered the Battery St. headquarters of Linden Lab with "Vote Talamasca SLG07" bumper stickers is currently a mystery to us at Talamasca Über Alles, Inc. We'd like to remind our enthusiastic supporters that graphiti and "stickering" are frowned upon by the S.F.P.D. (but funny as hell).
Remember: a vote for the undead PROVES that you're wrong in the head.
If you would like to schedule a speaking engagement or interview with Second Life's next Governor - candidate Dolmere Talamasca - please contact his campaign headquarters and ask for "that lazy, good for nothing" Alexander Lapointe.
Quotes from Dolmere's stump speech liberally borrowed from "1984".
Discliamer: This is a joke. Yes, we're all crazy, but so are you. That is all. Really. For Now. I mean it. -stop-
Comments
The Grid Democracy Parties wishes to say that candidate Falken was just suffering from sticky keyboard keys. Nothing could be done to prevent this spelling errors from happening. Furthermore they obviously left out the part of the comment where she pointed that prim skeleton babies - how cute they may be - do not count as a 'resident attending' unless they were created before 2006 and thus old enough to vote.
Posted by: Vint | June 22, 2007 03:24 PM
Posted by: Samantha Poindexter | June 22, 2007 05:56 PM
Danielle is obviously warming up for our soon-to-be-released campaign theme featuring her, "Vote for Erbo Or I Orbit You." :-)
Posted by: Erbo Evans | June 22, 2007 10:14 PM
Dolmere
Your belittlement of two of Second Life's most treasured communities, namely the Furries and the Goreans, will get you nowhere (I already have then wrapped around my little finger, in my back pocket and indeed on my payroll).
Tyffany
Posted by: Tyffany Flintoff![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.lovelymachine.com/Dolmere/nav-commenters.gif)
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June 23, 2007 05:37 AM
Tyffany has clearly missed the point of the article in claiming that we at Talamasca Über Alles, Inc.have belittled any residents. These fine voters were present at our rallies and eager to hear our clear message on the grid changes to come.
We wish Tyffany the best but encourage her supporters to rethink their allegiances. After all - a vote for the undead PROVES that you're wrong in the head. A vote for Tyffany and her "Flintoffonia" plans merely implies that you've lost your marbles.
(Two foxes, a rabbit and a slave were harmed during the making of this comment. Luckily no one saw it to AR the commenter so we can pretend it did not happen.)
Posted by: Dolmere Talamasca![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.lovelymachine.com/Dolmere/nav-commenters.gif)
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June 23, 2007 11:33 AM
*AR's the skeleton anyway* ;)
Posted by: Vint | June 24, 2007 04:38 PM