Dolmere Talamasca - Second Life "resident"

Dolmere's Positions (not involving interns or other basstastically perverted things):

First off we all know who is going to win come July 1st. I will try to ACT like I'm shocked, I will try to ACT like I didn't see my victory coming a mile away, I will TRY to behave like it's a thrill and an honor to have been chosen.

However, just to make sure that we end up at the only correct outcome I have started reallocating land-bot resource to alt-verification-bot resources. Only those people voting for me should be allowed to vote from an alt account! My army of powerful bots will expose registered PATH, Rezzolutionary party, Rebake Reform Party, and Grid-Lock Party alts to nullify their votes in advance.

Shifting back to my positionaliztions:
• Government Corruption - I will see to it that only members of my direct staff, cabinet and trusted law enforcement officials are corrupt. I pledge to you that corruption will only be allowed when it lines our pockets or provides us with proper prurient activities. Remember: I stand for special priviledges for ME and some for the highest bidders.
• Freedom of Speech - As you know from my proper platform I will be working hard to slowly erode these and other "assumed rights". My current line of thinking is that we replace the previously assumed silliness such as "freedom of speech" and "freedom to assemble peaceably" with the much more accurate "freedom to be quoted without permission", "freedom of home invasion by trusted government officials", "freedom to be snooped on by nosy neighbors" and my favorite "freedom to live by my (Dolmere's) moral values".
  Further, also as you know, I pledge to shut that prok thing up - I'll even write the "prok thing muter" LSL code that you'll all be required to wear when at public locations. That alone should win me the election with all things being equal.
• Justice and Economy - Who knew? I actually agree with Erbo on these. I smell a cabinet position! I was going to reserve all cabinet positions for the highest bidders but I may find room for Erbo since he makes at least some good points. He just needs to learn to play well with others; read: take orders from me.
• Property Rights - Erbo insists that the cliche "a man’s home is his castle" is actually common law. Here in the Talamasca Über Alles, Inc. headquarters we prefer to think of property rights as a nuisance. Land owners can pay a fee to my campaign fund in order to retain partial rights to their property or can skip that and be part of our special socialist inspired common land use program due in early spring of next year.
• Foreign Relations - I maintain that the only good foreign policy is conquest whether by intimidation, covert ops, or cluster bomb. Why shouldn't we be modeling our Second Lives after the world's strongest, most respected, and most self-righteous nation. In a few years an entire cabinet full of warmongers will be free to help me see these policies set into action in SL.
• Newbie Outreach - As a long time Shelter volunteer (as is Erbo) this issue is particularly close to my missing heart. I wish I could find the issue as I might retrieve that darned charred and useless thing as well. Under the first Dolmere Talamasca Governation reign newbies will be teleported into holding camps until they either confess for something they likely did not do or their families pay the state mandated release price. Businesspeople in SL rejoice as the state will have to contract with some businesses to build the cells, interrogation facilities, mess hall (for law enforcement of course), and razor barbed wire protected fencing. An RFP for the full project should be released some time this winter.
• Government Outreach and Feedback - I pledge to create the finest secret police that the virtual world has ever seen. With their help our administration will have a real insight into your needs. In fact we'll have reports filed in triplicate about your needs a few minutes before you vocalize them. Our support staff will listen to complaints once a week during office hours to be held in the basement of the capitol building behind two locked doors, a lion and a plate-glass window.

May you find enlightenment through science and common sense and may you enjoy the world under my reign, I know I will.

This message brought to you by "Talamasca Über Alles, Inc.", a currently profitless organization wholly owned and operated by Dolmere Talamasca. Campaign contributions should be made payable to Talamasca Über Alles, Inc., PO Box 411, The Main Grid. Campaign contributions in excess of today's draconian limits should be made payable directly to Dolmere Talamasca.

Oh, it seems everyone wants to include a disclaimer thingie so here goes:
Disclaimer thingie: This is a friggin' joke people. It's humor, pure and simple. Enjoy the commentary, giggle if you're so inclined, then move on to more important pursuits.

(File under: Parody, Humor, Political, Rant, Erbo and Platform)