Running for Governator (Current Platform Included)
I found this letter dropped on my doorstep and I wondered how they got my home address. Then I realized that they were speaking directly to me! Concerned residents of Second Life (registered trademark of a very safe company known as Linden Labs) wanted ME to run for Governor of their virtual land.
I hereby announce my candidacy for SLG and bid you all to bear in mind "A vote for the undead proves you're wrong in the head".
My platform:
I will work to create special sin tax categories. Your government needs money to run and your sins have been far too freely indulged in this environment thus far.
I will work with the quality people of the grid to ensure that the prok thing is banned from as many blogs as possible.
I will ensure that prim babies shut the fuck up at public meeting places and social gatherings.
I will, on your behalf, make sure that MY opinion heavily influences policy. Why not, after all you did vote ME into office so MY opinion must, surely, be yours as well.
I will use my newfound powers to slowly revoke your civil liberties and erode your sense of safety and well being. Heck, it has worked for two generations of Bush presidencies, why not me?
I will enact a color coded avatar travel safety system. When the grid is under attack the possible threat level will rise accordingly. If there's one thing we have learned it's that colors are easy to understand. It might also be that instilling fear into the populace allows one to forward one's agenda easier than if your constituents are comfortable and complacent.
I will remove the dumb typing animation noises for users over two days old. An exhaustive study has found that the typing animation and typing sound is as CUTE as a LOLCAT for about the first two days of residency in SL. Once older than that (especially for live concert attendees), our study finds that the noise is seen as an annoyance similar to having a spike hammer slammed into your left ear repeatedly.
I reserve the right to change my platform with no notice. If you are a large corporation, preferably with oil interests, please contact me for today's platform pricing.
(File under: Parody, Humor, Political, Rant, and Profane - More info)
