We Interrupt This Program To Bring You...
[Your SLTV HUD starts showing static.
You panic - is it a snow crash? No, your machine is still performing tasks in the background and you haven't yet started speaking in tongues.
Is it SL behaving poorly again? You just hate it when their database server throws a piston in the middle of Gilligan's Second Life Island!
Wait - the picture is back, whew.
Hey, that's not Gilligan! Who is that skeleton?]
Hi there potential voters. Dolmere Talamasca here. --Is this thing on? Tiny Dolmere... please pay attention - is this.. It is? Ah, well done.--
My fellow concerned residents - it is so good to speak with you this evening. I know, SLTV HUDs are one way communication channels but so is the current Linden goverment process so you're used to pretending that you're actually interacting with someone who dictates doctrine.
Sorry, you sidetracked me with your smarmy remarks.
Back to greeting you. Soon to be exploited and ignored residents of the grid, I come to you today asking for your vote in the upcoming resident run election for Governor of Second Life. You've read my platform, you've seen my response to Erbo Evans' position paper, you know where I stand. When you elect me Governor you can sleep easy at night once again.
No longer will you have to fear griefing as I will create a secret police force to repress everyone equally.
No longer will you need to exercise that pesky moral aptitude of yours as I will ensure you all conform to safe practices.
I could go on, but the network seems to be discovering my live feed van's location faster than I thought they would. Instead let's just cut to my first campaign commercial, paid for by Talamasca Über Alles, Inc., a group of a concerned citizen looking to speed up the, so far, slow and painful slip of a reliable, fun, free and expressive SL into obscurity.
[The video cuts out.
A new video feed appears. You hear horns and see a series of beautful flags flapping in the virtual wind. These flags were clearly created by Torley Linden as they're both watermelony delicious and perfectly constructed. You think to yourself: is Torley endorsing Talamasca Über Alles, Inc?
There is no time to think this through as the screen changes once again.
We open on a busy teleport hub. Avatars are making their way around the land in various vehicles, walking, flying, and a few are standing still looking like they're about to TP out of here.
Dolmere stands in the center of the frame and starts to provide voice over for the cut action sequences that follow:]
"Ladies, Gentlemen, Furs, Goreans, Vampires, and other creatures of the night... I welcome you to your future. I know how you want Second Life to change and react to your needs and if elected I will bring this future to you. Come with me and look at the virtual world just three months time down the road."
"You see here that the teleport system has stopped working again. Some residents are staring at a black screen that reads 'Attempting to connect to region' while eagerly awaiting their chance to connect with friends. Other have rezzed their own vehicles, still others have tried but the system has failed to create objects on the now full parcel. My administration has donated thousands of teleport hubs to the grid in an attempt to regain some form of stability."
[A blurry loudspeaker springs to life. The somewhat female sounding voice croaks its message to the avatars present at the teleport hub. No one seems to take notice.
"The current threat advisory, as determined by the Talamasca Über Alles, Inc. security personnel, is fuscia. We require your assistance in reporting any unattended scripted prims or avatars exhibiting normal or suspicious behavior to trusted (read: successfully bribed) law enforcement officers immediately. Your cooperation in this matter is compulsory."
"As a reminder for new grid travelers: no sculpties or other suspicious prims will be allowed beyond the prim screening check points."
The announcement ends. Several dazed looking avatars blink their eyes and smile at the camera.
Dolmere starts his narration again:]
"Since I've not taken office yet the good folks at Talamasca Über Alles, Inc. will instead simply advise you to buy duct tape and plastic sheeting to swath your businesses in. Once your property is protected we suggest you have a seat, put your head between your knees and brace for impact."
[Horns start playing again. The chaotic scene before you slowly fades away to a picture of Dolmere - floating in the air - prim baby and bass rezzed and rockin' - the text on screen glows and pulses. "Vote Dolmere SLG 2007" "A vote for the undead proves you're wrong in the head".
The video immediately cuts out and you see Gilligan again. He's still stranded on the island with no means of teleporting out. He seems to have just met with a representative from the Second Life Broadcasting System. He who wants to make Gilligan a star... ooh, this should be a great episode...]
Disclaimer: This is not real. This is not virtually real. There are no elections. There is no Second Life Television service HUD and if there were I'm sure it would crash more often than is hinted at here.